What an onion does to the eye is what September does to my eyes, what nails do to one’s bare foot on a construction site is what September does to my heart. The month September in the last 10 years has been my worst so far; in the sense that I take this month and the air it brings so personally, I have over time labeled it my worse, not because a bad experience occurs every year but one has happened to me and all September’s began to wear a similar gloomy dark garment. I lost someone so dear, to me and that void still exists till date. Although few people have tried to step into this particular role; they all just keep trying, but it doesn’t feel the same way it felt. The shoes remain too large for their feet; it just doesn’t fit. There’s a huge difference I must confess, but I still appreciate you all, and I pray your children won’t have to go through a similar experience.
On the 8th of September, 2006 my world froze when the clock struck four and he drew in his last breath and set out for a journey into the great beyond. I cried my eyes out; I wept like I wasn’t going to weep again, I closed my eyes and silently wished it was a dream but I opened my eyes and reality steering me right in the face, struck me like thunder. Within those few days of confinement I asked myself why did you go when I needed you most?, what will become of my future?, what will become of the promises you made to me?, who will I have those little chit-chat of ours with?, who will walk me down the aisle? And so many other questions with no answers. Mother was heart-broken and shattered but I only saw her cry just that day; she was and still remains that strong woman, Dad you know her well to be told this.
The 14th and 15th of September came and you had to be committed to mother earth. I forced myself to cry at the wake keep because it still seemed like a joke; it was just a couple of weeks ago you were driven to the hospital, whatever happened?. During the burial procession I was praying silently that the coffin will shake and you will come out, but that didn’t happen. It still didn’t dawn on me when I stood to pay my last respect that you were truly gone; you laid peacefully with a smile on your face Daddy. My outburst of fresh tears that followed couldn’t be compared to that of the cemetary. The service at the grave yard was short and sorrowful but the point of lowering the coffin into the grave was most choking, it felt like my world was crashing right in my face. I wept and wanted to jump in with you but I was held back, that was the point I realized this was real. I was on the surface, your body was in the earth.
Days turned to weeks, then months and our lives continued without you. It was tough but time helped reduce the effect of the pain which I still feel. I cried in school, cried when I look at your pictures which still adorns the wall in our home and am still holding back my tears as I type this. Unknowingly I tagged September the month that brought me this pain that has come to stay forgetting that whatever happened was God’s will. So this year 2016 a lot has changed and I have come to realize that whatever happened was God’s will. I have learnt to be thankful and praise God through the pain *I must confess it’s not easy as the devil is a joy stealer and will want you to always wallow in tears and pain*.
So dear God just like the month of August came; I looked forward to the testimonies it will bring; and I was surprised, I’m grateful for the month of September and I look forward to what you have in store for me and my family, as you have replaced our tears of sorrow with tears of joy and turned our mourning into laughter.
Have you experienced loss of a dear one? How did you cope with it? I would love to hear from you. I have healed a lot and I’m still in the process. God is fixing me. If you are going through similar experience(s); Just let time go in and out, get busy with God, gradually the healing process will be perfected. Don’t hold on to it, cry if you must, to relish the pains so you can heal faster, I will always pray for you.
And happy new month least I forget, it’s the beginning of the ‘EMBER months; they will surely be months to remember for good and filled with pleasant memories.
Photo credit: Google images